"VALENTINE'S DAY IN BROOKS RIVER: Lurch Finds Love "
by Sand Bear. February 2014.
[ for Lingo, who loves Lurch for just being a Bear ]
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* Chapter 1 *
It's February of 2014 in the Katmai National Park of Alaska and Valentine's Day has arrived in Brooks River.
It had been an unusually warm winter in Brooks River and the bears had been in and out of their dens .
That rascal Cupid was checking out his assigned area of Brooks River for Romantic Couplings. He had his instructions down pat he thought. He had spent the past week memorizing them so he wouldn't make the same mistakes he had made in the past. Many , many times he had made mistakes in shooting his arrows of love potion into the wrong couples. He was determined to get it right this year as he had been warned he would be fired from Bow & Arrow Duty and he loved shooting arrows for love.
Up and down Brooks River he flew, from the falls to the lower river, looking to see if any of the bears were out of their dens. Some bears had already been seen out early this year since it had been an unusually warm winter in the Katmai National Forest.
On the Katinolat Mountainside, Lurch was awake in his den. He had gotten a bit too warm and had awoken earlier than his normal time. He was eager to be up and on his way back to Brooks River . He, along with 856 and Patches had been banished to spend the long winter's sleep at Katinolat Mountain by High Sheriff Ted for their interference with the Christmas Celebration ! He thought about waking those two up but then decided he rather get to Brooks Camp before they did. Crawling out of his den, off he went toward Brooks River.
Meanwhile Dancer the Dancing Bear had also awoken early and was already out of her den and ambling her way down the Dumpling Mountain trail toward Brooks River.
Cupid was still flying to and fro, looking for any bear he could shoot an arrow into. He had an itchy trigger finger ---which is what had gotten him into so much trouble in the past...and had caused many problems among humans and so he was now confined to the Bear Love Team of the Katmai National Forest until he could redeem himself to the Big Boss of the Human Love Team.
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* CHAPTER 2 *
Patches was awake and heard Lurch as he passed by on his way to Brooks River. Patches peeked out of his den and waited until Lurch was out of sight and then went and yelled outside of 856's den.
"Wake up ! 856. Lurch is heading for Brooks river. He didn't wake us up to go with him so that mean's he is up to something he doesn't want us to know about! " Get up ! Hurry! Let's get a move on Dude !"
"Quitcher yelling , Patches, I can hear ya! , I'm up, I'm up," 856 grumbled as he crawled out of his den and soon they took off running toward Brooks River. They thought they could beat Lurch there and hide and see what he was up to.
Lurch by now was halfway to Brooks and just ambling along looking for food along the way. Any grass or grubs would do as he was very hungry after months in his den with no food. And a big bear has to eat ! . Meanwhile Dancer was on the spit at Brooks River and doing her morning dancing. While she danced, she was daydreaming about Backpack and his beautiful snout and remembering that little kiss they had shared last fall before the long winter's sleep time.
Up on the side of Dumpling Mountain, some other sows were stirring about in their dens. Tundra was awake but not ready yet to leave her cozy den. Amelia was just getting ready to leave her den and go check out her Pretty Bear Beauty Salon to see how it had fared over the winter.
And Cupid was still flying all over the Brooks River area with his antsy trigger finger poised on his bow & arrow which he had tipped with plenty of magic love potion. When the arrow pierced a bear's heart and the love potion filled it - they would fall in love with the first bear they laid bear eyes on !
The Big Boss of the Bear Love Team had written down the couples he wanted Cupid to shoot and when. If the timing was not just perfect, then disasters could occur which had happened much in Cupid's past shoots and why he had been pulled from the Human Love Team and given a chance to redeem himself with the Bear Love Team this Valentine's Day.
My Oh My, what could happen this Valentine's Day within the Brooks River Bear Community ?
Will the High Sheriff be called in to take control if disasters occur? Will Ted resign this Valentine's Day?
Who will fall in love with whom?
Lurch and Patches and 856 as well are all converging on Brooks River soon.
Maybe even Backpack and Tundra will show up later.
Dancer is already up and dancing her morning dance on the spit.
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* CHAPTER 3 *
Patches and 856 have beaten Lurch to Brooks River and are in hiding behind cabin 27 waiting for him to show up so they might find out why he got up so early to get over there.
The truth is Lurch had never in his entire life had such a miserable long winter's sleep-time. He loved Brooks River now and it was home to him and he missed his den on Dumpling Mountain. He had already had his den ready and then Ted had banished him to Katolinat Mountain for the long winter sleep-time. He has decided this year he would be a model bear citizen and get along with all the others in the community, even that little irritating Backpack who kept trying to edge his way up to a spot at the front of the Falls. Didn't he know that place was reserved for the Big Boys ? Who did he think he was, that little bear-scat.
Lurch knew he needed to stop that thinking or he'd get mad and his temper might get the best of him again. He just wanted to be able to dig his den on Dumpling Mountain next sleep-time and get a good long winter's sleep. Now he was up so early snow was still on the ground. Hard to find even a dry crusty patch of grass to eat. He was even going to stop himself ( even if he was starving and had hunger pains) from killing and eating any bears this year.
At the same time as Lurch arrived in the Brooks Camp area, Tundra was up and crawling out of her den. Amelia was already at the Pretty bear Beauty Salon which had survived the winter in good shape. Having been without food for months, both Tundra and Amelia were hungry as bears and were just ready to amble on down the Dumpling Mountain trail to Brooks and see what they could find to eat along the way.
Ted and Otis were both now awake but still snuggled up in their dens trying to go back to sleep.
Backpack was up and on the move toward Chunk's den. He knew where it was as he had spotted him as he was digging it out last fall. He was going to wake him up and see if he would go with him to find some food. His stomach was growling . He was a growing bear and needed some nourishment soon.
And of course, Cupid was up at dawn and already flying around with his itchy trigger finger just craving to shoot an arrow into a bear. He had left his list back at the Bear Love Team's headquarters in King Salmon. He was sure he had it memorized though.
" Hmmm, let's see," he muttered to himself as he was flying about,
" Shoot an arrow into Backpack when he first sees Tundra ; shoot one into Chunk when he sees Grazer; shoot another one into Ted when he spots Beadnose , shoot Otis when he sees Four-Ton and there were some more, but he couldn't remember who went with who. He'd go back tonight and get his list of instructions and put it in his pocket so he could look at it and know who to shoot and when.
Also he remembered the warning of the Big Boss of the Bear Love Team : "Don't shoot an arrow into the wrong Boar if he's looking at the wrong Sow !" Keep your trigger finger under control at all times ! "
All the Cupids on both Love Teams knew this Cupid whom they had nicknamed "Quick Draw Cupid" was too quick on his trigger finger and shot at most anything, even shadows sometimes.
While "Quick Draw Cupid" was flying about looking for his targets, Lurch was almost to the spit where Dancer was still dancing away thinking of Backpack's kiss. He had kissed her before last sleep -time and since then she daydreamed constantly of him. She even had wonderful dreams of him while she was in her long sleep-time.
Patches and 856 had spotted Lurch coming into the camp and were now hiding behind the bridge so they could see what Lurch was up to. They could also see Dancer and became mesmerized by her dancing.
Uh Oh, Let's hope Quick Draw Cupid keeps his antsy finger under control ! Might he get so excited, that he just lets loose the love-potion filled- arrow on one of the Bad Boy Trio as they watch Dancer ?
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* CHAPTER 4 *
While Ted and Otis are struggling to go back to sleep, Four-Ton has gotten up and is ambling her way down Dumpling Mountain .
Ahead of her are Tundra and Amelia walking slowly down the trail as well, stopping now and then trying to find some grass or something, anything to eat.
Chunk and Backpack have already arrived at Brooks Camp and notice Patches and 856 hiding behind the bridge watching Lurch and Dancer !
"Whatcha think they're up to now? " Chunk asked Backpack, "Why are they spying on Lurch and Dancer ?"
"Hmmm, you can bet it's nothing good," replied Backpack, "There's something funny's going on here this morning!" Let's walk over by Lurch and ask him how he liked sleeping on Katolinat Mountain this year.
"He might bite our head off, you know he's probably hungry 'cause I'm starving and he's a much bigger bear than I am. I'm not sure I wanna even ask him that question today."
"Ahhh, come on, don't be a scaredy bear. I'll do the asking, you just be ready to help me fight if he tries to hurt me!"
"Yeah, Ok, I'll back you up amigo, knowing in his heart that he would run from a fight with Lurch as fast as he could!"
And so off the ambled toward Lurch who by now was standing at the edge of the spit to get a better view of Dancer as she danced.
"Hiya Lurch , I see you made it back from Katolinat Mountain. How was the sleep-time over there? asked Backpack.
"Worst sleep-time I ever had," replied Lurch with a growl. "Ain't never gonna happen again ! Brooks River is my home and Dumpling Mountain is my denning place and it's gonna stay that way 'til I die!
"I hear ya, Big Bear, said Backpack kindly. he didn't want to get off on Lurch's bad side so early in the day. "Whatcha looking at? , he added.
"Watching that Dancing Bear, Little Bear, she sure can dance, can't she. She's a beautiful sow , too."
'"Yeah, she is, replied Backpack , but you old enough to be her daddy boar. You better forget that sow. She's mine now anyway. She snouted ( that's kissing in bear language ) me last salmon feeding time and said she be my sow. " Quick draw Cupid had been flying over and followed Backpack ( he knew Backpack was on his for a shot full the love potion when he was looking at Tundra and so he drew back his bow and let the arrow fly..... about that time Backpack turned to see if Chunk was still behind him, and ... twaaaannng... went the arrow straight into Lurch heart and filled it with the magic love potion !
Horrified at his mistake, he quickly drew back his bow to send another arrow into Backpack and as he let it fly, Chunk stepped in front of Backpack and twaaaannggg, another miss and a magic love-potion filled arrow went straight into Chunk's heart who happened to be also watching Dancer at this moment.
Both Lurch and Chunk were now under the influence of the magic love-potion and the object of their desires was Dancer ! Poor Backpack. Poor Tundra. Looks like there's no hope for those two. Cupid had done it again. Shot the wrong bear. Two of them as a matter of fact.
Cupid was now so upset, he knew he didn't dare to shoot again until he had calmed down. So away he flew and landed on the roof of the Brooks Lodge trying to calm down and figure out what to do now. He was in serious trouble with the Bear Love Team if the Big Boss found out about this. As he sat there on the rooftop trying to come up with a plan to sort out this mess he had made, he saw Tundra and Amelia arriving at the Bridge
"Too bad my orders didn't say shoot a sow with the magic love-potion." he mumbled.
He did think of one good thing; the magic love- potions would wear off the day after Valentine's Day. But what can I do to reverse this in the meantime ? he wondered.
Now Lurch and Chunk were on the move, down the spit toward Dancer. Lurch fell on his knees and declared his undying love for her. Chunk , trying to show off for her, just giggled and did some back flips running up and down the spit.
Backpack stood watching all this and wondering what was going on with those two bears? Had they gone crazy? Why were they even near his sow? He rushed down the spit and shouted to both Lurch and Chunk, "Have you bears lost your bear brains, that's my sow you're chatting up there !" Get away from her now! "
Dancer had stopped dancing and was now confused and scared as she heard Backpack yelling at Lurch and Chunk, and thinking a fight was about to happen, she fled in the direction of Tundra and Amelia.
As she was explaining to Tundra and Amelia what had happened , Tundra shouted , "I knew it! Some more of the same old Boar Scat again! I told ya'll and told ya'll, we need Sowdom ruling here and get rid of this Boardom rule !" Dancer and Amelia didn't even know what she was talking about.
Amelia spoke up and said, "I think what we all need is some food."
That is one smart sow !
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* Chapter 5 *
Dancer was frantic. Everywhere she went, right behind her trailed Lurch and Chunk. Chuck flipping and flopping and running up and down the spit like a crazed bear. Lurch on kneeling before her and pledging his undying love and devotion.
Backpack was right behind them, growling and screaming at the two boars, just daring them to try and kiss Dancer. He would break every bone in their bear bodies he swore. Dancer was his sow and no one else's! " Chunk ! " he screamed , " you supposed to be my pal!"
Everything was going crazy in Brooks River.
Backpack had seen that little flying critter sitting on top of Brooks Lodge and wondered if maybe he had something to do with all that was going on. He decided he was going to have a little chat with that thing, whatever it was. It looked like a little tiny human bird. He had seen it flying like the magpies did all over Brooks River this morning. He just had a feeling that little critter was to blame for this mess with Dancer. All this had started when he showed up in Brooks River this morning.
By now the lower river was filling up with bears. Four-Ton had arrived as well as Ted and Otis after she had woke them up to tell them that there was lots of noise and shouting coming from Brooks River.
Tatonka who was rarely seen here was hanging around the Lodge looking up at the little critter on the roof wondering if it was a new bird living here now. Digger Jr. had also arrived, curious about all the yelling mainly from Backpack who was by now very frustrated. He kept trying to get Dancer to come with him and hide from Lurch and Chunk. Poor Dancer was so confused she didn't know what to do and Backpack's yelling and growling had made her scared of him as well as Lurch and Chunk.
Tundra and Amelia came to Digger and tatonka and asked them if they knew what this little critter was sitting on top of the Lodge. Flo and Holly had just walked up to see what all the yelling was about as well. Backpack's yells carried up to Dumpling Mountain and had awoken many of the bears from their sleep time.
As they were standing there, Quick Draw Cupid had an inspiration. Nothing was said about Not Shooting an arrow into a sow. "Hmmm", he thought, "who could I shoot to maybe help me out of this mess?"
" Well,: he thought for a minute , "I can shoot Tundra if she will just keep her eyes on Backpack for a while.. They are on my list anyway. Does it matter if I shoot the sow instead of the boar with the love potion. Same thing", he muttered, desperate to do something. Dancer's still too young to be a sow to any boar anyway so I may be in even bigger trouble. I can explain it that its the two bears fault. They jumped in the way when I was shooting at Backpack for Tundra. Maybe I can get Lurch to look at Flo. Maybe another good shot of the magic love-potion will overpower the first shot.
And so he drew back his bow and waited to see who looked at who. "Just a glance," he thought, " that's all I need, just one little peek and I can let this arrow fly!"
And as luck would grant his wish, Dancer came running by followed as usual by Lurch and Chunk. And bless her heart, Flo, that sassy sexy sow, yelled out to Lurch, "Hey Lurch, what are you doing following poor little dancer all over this camp?" Are you out of your mind, bear, she's young enough to be your cub !"
And Cupid lucked out. Lurch glanced at Flo and the arrow flew fast as lightning ....twaaanngg... straight into it's target, Lurch's heart.
The magic love potion filled his heart to overflowing and he instantly became smitten with Flo, forgetting all about Dancer.
Turning about, he fell to his knees at Flo's white-clawed paws and declared his undying love and adoration for the sassy and sexy sow ! Flo seemed to like Lurch's attention. Will there be some little Flurch's running about Brooks River next year?
Chuck looked over to see what Lurch was doing and...twaaannngg...another arrow flew swift and true as he just glanced at Tundra for a second. Oooops, Uh Oh, Quick Draw mumbled, I shot the wrong boar again ! " What am I to do now? "
Forgetting Dancer, Chunk turned to Tundra and giggled and asked, "will you be my sweet sweet sow and give me a little snout ( that's bear language for a kiss) ?"
Tundra slapped Chunk hard on his snout with her paw and stomped off muttering as usual about silly sows and dumb boars while poor Chunk ran behind her, declaring his love.
"Maybe I should give that sow a triple dose of the love-potion," Quick Draw grumbled to himself." I need to catch up to catch up with Backpack."
Backpack was now running fast after Dancer as she fled up the path toward the Brooks Campground.
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* Chapter 6 *
Cupid was a hard-core romantic in his heart and he hurt for Chunk after the way Tundra had talked to him. He was thinking out loud now, "I don't like the way that snippy little sow talked to poor Chunk. She hurt his feelings I'm sure. I think I will teach that little sow-liberator a lesson she won't soon forget."
He was keeping his eyes fixed on her just waiting for the chance to give her a triple dose of the magic love-potion. He wondered what the stuff would do to her?
He had never given anyone, not even a human, a triple dose of the stuff. He just hoped nothing bad happened or he'd be fired from all the Love Teams forever. Banished. Banned. Outcast among the Cupids of the world. A horrible thought to ponder.
All he needed was for her to glance back at Chunk as he followed her around the grassy area. She was threatening to beat him up, tear out all his bear fur , rip off his paws, and pull out his claws. He just giggled every time she threatened him and kept following begging for one little snout, just one itty bitty snout.
Twaaannnggg, Cupid let that triple-dosed arrow fly and fly it did - straight into Tundra's anti-boardom heart! The triple dose went to work immediately!
All of a sudden she stopped in her paw tracks, turned around to face Chunk , went up to him and planted a big slobbery snout on him!
"I loooovee you Chunkie Bear, gimme a little snouting ( remember? that's kissing in bear talk ) ! " bear and then she began to dance, first the Bear Macarena, then she did the Bear Hokey Pokey, she even grabbed Chunk and began to do a BearJitterbug ( amazing what these bears can do ).
Chunk was in a daze but now began to be embarrassed and wishing Tundra would stop this crazy stuff. He began to pull away from Tundra, she was scaring him now . She was acting like a wild crazed sow and he was basically a shy bear. All of a sudden Tundra slipped on an icy patch of ground as he pulled away and fell flat on her bear belly and the she grabbed onto his paws, clinging to them as he tried to leave, begging him not to go!
Quick Draw Cupid was laughing so hard he almost fell off the bridge railing where he had been watching the show Tundra was giving everyone.
Others were also watching this strange behavior of Tundra by now.
Hearing all the commontion from the grassy spot, Ted along with Otis and Four-Ton and Holly had came over to see what was going on.
Amelia had already headed back to her den since there was no food to be found.
Patches and 856 were now behind the bridge watching as well. Tatonka and Digger Jr. were watching from the edge of the grassy spot as well. Tatonka was new to this group and knew he was gonna like this crazy place.
Now Cupid noticed Patches and 856 behind the bridge and filled his arrow with more love-potion, ready to strike another heart.
"It is Valentine's Day after all," he thought, " and that's my job for today."
Just as Holly walked up to the grassy area, Cupid let an arrow fly straight into Patches heart ! Patches ran straight up to Holly holding out both his paws and sang out , "My love I give to you sweet Holly; flower of Christmas ( the potion seems to have brought out the poet in him )."
That did not go over with Holly at all.
Holly replied with a vicious snarl, if you so much as take one step closer to me 469, I will rip off both your paws and make you eat them !" She was hungry and in no mood for lovesick boars.
Patches ran to the steps of Brooks Lodge, sat down and began to cry. Seeing him cry, 856 walked over to the steps and sat down beside him , put his big bear arms around him and said, " Don't cry, my buddy, my pal, you've still got me." Patches just began to sob more loudly now, and wished he would just die right then and there.
Ted spoke up very loudly,
" ATTENTION ALL BROOKS BEARS ! "
THIS IS YOUR HIGH SHERIFF SPEAKING. WINTER HAS FINALLY COME TO BROOKS RIVER. THERE IS ICE EVERYWHERE AND IT'S GETTING VERY VERY COLD. AND THERE IS NO FOOD TO BE FOUND THEREFORE I AM ISSUING THESE ORDERS TO THE BROOKS RIVER BEAR COMMUNITY ! I AM GOING TO MY DEN NOW TO CONTINUE THE LONG WINTER'S SLEEP-TIME. I COMMAND ALL BEARS TO DO THE SAME. BE IN YOUR DEN BEFORE TOMORROW MORNING ! I WILL CHECK TO MAKE SURE ALL ARE IN THEIR DENS SLEEPING TOMORROW MORNING . ANY BEAR CAUGHT BY ME OUT OF THEIR DEN WILL BE BANISHED TO KATOLINAT MOUNTAIN FOR THE REST OF THE SLEEP TIME.
MAYBE EVEN AS FAR AWAY AS MOUNT MAGEIK. HOPEFULLY, I WILL SEE YOU ALL IN THE SPRINGTIME!" GOOD NIGHT TO ALL."
And he was off running toward his warm den.
Lurch who was holding paws now with Flo (438), snapped Ted a Smart Military Salute and said to him, "Yes sir, High Sheriff Ted. Flo and I are on our way now up the Dumpling Mountain trail to our dens! " He remembered those miserable nights on Katolinat Mountain den and his vow to be a good bear citizen this year! Off they went, holding paws and Flo walking like the sassy sow she was, her white claws flashing like diamonds in the Alaskan sunlight !
Otis and Four-Ton also headed up the Dumpling Mountain trail to their respective dens. They didn't need any magic love potion. They already had their Valentines! Ted's Valentine Honey Beadnose being still snuggled in her den with her yearlings. Brooke as well was still cuddled up with her cubs snug and safe in her den as well.
Patches and 856 headed up Dumpling Mountain short cutting through the forest. They had to still had to dig their dens. They had been banished before they had dug them last sleep-time. They sure didn't want to walk all the way back to Katolinat Mountain in this icy wind.
Holly walked over to check on Tundra as she was still lying on the icy ground.
Tundra had come to her senses somewhat and was ashamed to get up and face everyone after the show she had put on with Chunk.
"Oh why me, I'm the sow-liberation leader ?" she moaned.
"Well, Honey Bear, Holly said sweetly to her, patting her on her back, "maybe you could have been a little nicer to Chunk. There seems to be magic in the air today and everyone wants a little love sometimes."
Chunk had disappeared while Ted was giving his orders.
He ran to his den, glad to be away from all sows, especially that crazy Tundra!
Dancer was now halfway to her den. She had gotten cold and was sick and tired of Backpack right behind her every step she took!
Backpack was following behind her a little distant now as he sensed she was mad at him. He was just making sure Lurch and Chunk didn't follow after her.
Otis and Four-Ton were chatting about the day's events. It was evening now and looking like snow might fall at anytime.
"I'm so glad I'm an old sow now," remarked Four-Ton, I just couldn't stand the stress of all that romancing."
"I hear you," replied Otis. "I just want to spend Valentine's day with a Salmon Slurpie and watch the stars come out at night."
"Ahhhh, Otis," whispered Four-Ton in his ear as she giggled like a sub-adult, " Wouldn't you rather be snouting with me?"
And Old Otis did just that, he snouted with Four-Ton all the way up Dumpling Mountain and even snuck into her den for a good long time. They then came out and sat for a few hours watching the stars glitter like diamonds in the ebony sky over Brooks River . ,
It was Valentine Stars after all. They couldn't miss those.
As he left her to go to his own den , he sighed a long sigh and said to Four-Ton, "Us old timers can beat these young-uns any day at romance! And we don't need any magic love-potion! "
Quick Draw Cupid was now dancing on the roof of Brooks Lodge and shouting so that all could hear, even those snuggled in their dens on Dumpling Mountain.
Suddenly the magpie couple, Heckle and Jeckle, flew down joined him, one on each side, and began to dance the Magpie Macarena, their little feet sounding on the roof of Brooks Lodge: ...tippity tip tip...tippity tip tip...tippity tip tip...
and shouting along with Quick Draw cupid in their little magpie voices: "Happy Valentine's Day to All!"
~The End~